My son, Earnhardt and I were watching TV one night as we so often do and came across a channel that advertised a show called "Obsessed Moms" or something to that effect. The commercial depicted seemingly normal moms with slightly weird obsessions. Immediately I turned to Earnhardt and said in a voice a little bit too loud, "I'm not obsessed." Perhaps I was loud because of the look he was giving me. Perhaps it was the pile of fifteen cookbooks in front of me that I was going through and meticulously putting bookmarks in on the pages that had recipes I wanted to try. Perhaps it's because maybe I am obsessed, a little.
Okay, so I'm obsessed. By cookbooks and recipes, yes, but by so much more and there really isn't any such thing as being a little obsessed because that's the whole point of obsession; you have to go whole hog.
I subscribed to cooking magazines as well as belong to a cookbook book club. I watch a lot of cooking reality shows. I have two clipboards hanging in my kitchen chocked with recipes; one is for non-meat recipes, the other is recipes with meat. I have folders and binders full of recipes that I've torn out of the magazines I buy, that I dog eared just for that purpose. The folders and binders have labels like, "Cocktails," "Appetizers," "Entrees," etc. I have over 50 cookbooks, old and new with little sticky notes in them, bookmarked and more dog ears. I intend to make every last dish. My friend, Lisa, after having read and seen "Julie and Julia" refused to give me "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" for fear she and her family would become guinea pigs to the experiment I would most certainly attempt just as Julie had done. "I'm not eating Aspic for anyone," she bemoaned. But she's right, I would have and so far have not received the book nor bought it. I don't have the time. Some day...
This obsession with recipes and cookbooks and food in general might not be much to complain about if that was where it ended. But, of course, it doesn't end there.
When I wash and dry and iron and put away my clothes they have a certain order; not by color or length or season, but by what was worn last. My underwear drawer is set up so that everything is on rotation; bras, underwear, socks - all of them must be newcomers to the back and move everything else up so that everything is worn in order. Every "one" gets a chance. Same goes for my clothes. This really helps me figure out what I'm wearing and what and why I'm not wearing other things. That's my excuse. Reality is; I'm obsessed with giving every outfit fair play. I like things in order. I "play" with my clothes. I can spend an entire day matching up outfits together with the appropriate jewelry hanging from the hangers. I constantly "shop my closet" for new outfits and ideas I haven't yet tried.
I've already ordered my reading books, no, not in alphabetically order (I'm not anal, I'm obsessed) but in the order in which I want to read them. I read one "have to" and then one "want to." Have to's are classics, want to's are best sellers and the like. I don't go anywhere without a book; "in case I get bored" i.e. sitting at a gas station, red light, lunch with someone opposite me texting... I also have a stack of magazine pages with book reviews of books I don't have already and want to read. When someone asks if I've read something I usually say, "it's on the list.."
In my car I have a basket between the two seats. In the basket the box of tissues is always in the upper right corner while the container of pens and my sunglasses are in the bottom left-hand corner. The first aid kit is in the door and the bag that has a change of clothes for everyone is in the way back. I have extra napkins, straws and wetnaps just in case. I have chap stick on my key chain. I always pull out my cup holder before I get my drink at the drive through and I always say thank you after I order.
In my kitchen, my wooden spoons are in one container while the rubber spatulas are in another. Don't you dare put my peeler in the second drawer where I can't find it, it belongs with the silverware because of it's size. I only like to eat with the heavier forks (where previously I preferred the salad fork because I have a small mouth, regardless of what my brothers think). I drink 16 ounces of water every morning but prefer not to call it "my water" because it annoys me when someone is on a fitness kick and refers to things as "my" (i.e. I have to eat my banana now. I have to go on my walk. I need to take my vitamin...) get over it, it's a banana, a walk and a vitamin.
Maybe I'm not like the mom on TV who was caught saying, "Honey, I know you just broke your arm, but mommy has to work out before we go home." I know I'm not quite that bad yet but I know I'm on my way. I'm trying not to let my obsessions run my life. I've been working very hard at it. Actually, I'm kind of obsessed with it.
Showing posts with label cooking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cooking. Show all posts
Monday, April 30, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
Rotary E-mails
On or two times a month there's this other thing I do. I cook for the Rotary Club. Believe it or not, I'm one of the head chefs in my organization. (Sounds good doesn't it?)I belong to the Pittsfield Players, a community theatre group, and one of our fundraisers is to cater the Rotary Club dinners. The Players and The Women of Rotary are the only two non-profit organizations who take advantage of this opportunity every single month. Other non-profits have different times of year they want to raise a little extra money and sometimes the Rotarians cook for themselves.
My mother belongs to The Women of Rotary and both groups have this down to a science. It's just that one science is more basic Anatomy while the other is Bio-Chemistry. I'm saying that The Women of Rotary are probably a lot more organized. They probably meet at the end of the year to decide on the next YEAR, like who is cooking and what and when. My group doesn't. That's not to say we're not organized. We are. But you should see the emails.
Usually they start with, "who's cooking?" Who's the head chef? Who is deciding the menu? (This is an easy one) It's either me or Jon. I'm a 40-year-old part-time-stay-at-home-mom, part-time waitress, part-time transcriptionist/secretary, part-time cleaning lady and, of course, amateur actress. Of course.
Jon is a retired Reverend with a hell of a voice and a very sharp wit, an excellent cook, actor and stage manager. Yeah, we've got this down to a science: I send out an email to say what day we're cooking and what we're having. (Roast pork with mango salsa this time.) I ask Mike to make a salad and Geri to make bread. These are kind of their "jobs," their niches. Then I request two side dishes and a dessert. I tell them there's a sort of a theme and it's Mexican, with Cinco De Mayo coming up and all.
My group loves themes. "Mike, I want you to make a corn and black bean salad. Geri, you make corn bread or muffins, whichever you decide." Mike loves to make the salad. He loves when I tell him what to do. Mike is retired military, so is his wife, Nella but Nella doesn't get a say in this dinner because she will be ringing bells that night...Mike responds with, "I've looked up several recipes on the Internet but I'm not sure I can find iguana meat online...I'll keep looking."
Geri is a music director and I'm not sure what else because we only met four months ago and I've seen her four times. I do know she has gorgeous red hair and no electricity and a car that overheats. She also sends Hallmark e-cards for every occasion. Geri emails (from work) that she is going to coerce Carole to make the bread/muffins because Geri wants to make chili/chocolate cupcakes with butter cream frosting for dessert. I don't know what Carole does because I've never seen her at Rotary but her salad arrived with Geri once. I know that she's a great character actress with a cool voice.
Gay-Ann Chimes in. It's a very long chime.
She says that whenever we do a Mexican theme she always makes her taco salad but sometimes leaves off the Doritos because not everyone is a fan of Doritos and she never puts in meat because everyone's vegetarian nowadays but she sees that I asked Mike to make the salad and it's a black bean and corn salad and she doesn't think her banana split cake would make a very good Mexican themed dessert so she's really at a loss as to what to make because Mike's making the salad and she always makes her taco salad...without the Doritos.
I respond that one of their salads can be a side dish but they have to duke it out whose it's going to be. I also tell Mike that he can find iguana meat at Market Basket, duh. Mike stands his ground. Gay-Ann acquiesces in uncommon brevity and queries whether whether Mike is serious about the iguana meat. Gay-Ann is a part-time receptionist, a character actress and known in these parts as a 'theatre whore,' meaning she can be found almost every weekend in a theatre, ushering, attending or being in a show.
Jan doesn't respond to our emails. We always have to call to remind her but she always shows up. Jan is our costume mistress and drives a school bus for a living. I once dated one of her four sons and have known her forever. I can count on her to do the dishes.
In the meantime I find a recipe for cilantro rice cakes that might just fit the bill for the other side dish. Our menu is always; bread, salad, entree, two sides and dessert. Sometimes we remember to brew the coffee. But Nella usually brings the half and half and she'll be at bell rehearsal.
Mike emails telling me the Market Basket iguana is from Chili and everyone knows Chilean iguana is in mating season right now which makes for some very tough and cranky meat.
Gay-Ann is thoroughly confused.
My mother belongs to The Women of Rotary and both groups have this down to a science. It's just that one science is more basic Anatomy while the other is Bio-Chemistry. I'm saying that The Women of Rotary are probably a lot more organized. They probably meet at the end of the year to decide on the next YEAR, like who is cooking and what and when. My group doesn't. That's not to say we're not organized. We are. But you should see the emails.
Usually they start with, "who's cooking?" Who's the head chef? Who is deciding the menu? (This is an easy one) It's either me or Jon. I'm a 40-year-old part-time-stay-at-home-mom, part-time waitress, part-time transcriptionist/secretary, part-time cleaning lady and, of course, amateur actress. Of course.
Jon is a retired Reverend with a hell of a voice and a very sharp wit, an excellent cook, actor and stage manager. Yeah, we've got this down to a science: I send out an email to say what day we're cooking and what we're having. (Roast pork with mango salsa this time.) I ask Mike to make a salad and Geri to make bread. These are kind of their "jobs," their niches. Then I request two side dishes and a dessert. I tell them there's a sort of a theme and it's Mexican, with Cinco De Mayo coming up and all.
My group loves themes. "Mike, I want you to make a corn and black bean salad. Geri, you make corn bread or muffins, whichever you decide." Mike loves to make the salad. He loves when I tell him what to do. Mike is retired military, so is his wife, Nella but Nella doesn't get a say in this dinner because she will be ringing bells that night...Mike responds with, "I've looked up several recipes on the Internet but I'm not sure I can find iguana meat online...I'll keep looking."
Geri is a music director and I'm not sure what else because we only met four months ago and I've seen her four times. I do know she has gorgeous red hair and no electricity and a car that overheats. She also sends Hallmark e-cards for every occasion. Geri emails (from work) that she is going to coerce Carole to make the bread/muffins because Geri wants to make chili/chocolate cupcakes with butter cream frosting for dessert. I don't know what Carole does because I've never seen her at Rotary but her salad arrived with Geri once. I know that she's a great character actress with a cool voice.
Gay-Ann Chimes in. It's a very long chime.
She says that whenever we do a Mexican theme she always makes her taco salad but sometimes leaves off the Doritos because not everyone is a fan of Doritos and she never puts in meat because everyone's vegetarian nowadays but she sees that I asked Mike to make the salad and it's a black bean and corn salad and she doesn't think her banana split cake would make a very good Mexican themed dessert so she's really at a loss as to what to make because Mike's making the salad and she always makes her taco salad...without the Doritos.
I respond that one of their salads can be a side dish but they have to duke it out whose it's going to be. I also tell Mike that he can find iguana meat at Market Basket, duh. Mike stands his ground. Gay-Ann acquiesces in uncommon brevity and queries whether whether Mike is serious about the iguana meat. Gay-Ann is a part-time receptionist, a character actress and known in these parts as a 'theatre whore,' meaning she can be found almost every weekend in a theatre, ushering, attending or being in a show.
Jan doesn't respond to our emails. We always have to call to remind her but she always shows up. Jan is our costume mistress and drives a school bus for a living. I once dated one of her four sons and have known her forever. I can count on her to do the dishes.
In the meantime I find a recipe for cilantro rice cakes that might just fit the bill for the other side dish. Our menu is always; bread, salad, entree, two sides and dessert. Sometimes we remember to brew the coffee. But Nella usually brings the half and half and she'll be at bell rehearsal.
Mike emails telling me the Market Basket iguana is from Chili and everyone knows Chilean iguana is in mating season right now which makes for some very tough and cranky meat.
Gay-Ann is thoroughly confused.
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